Quigital Inlaw Bliss Polisher

I bought the Quigital Inlaw Bliss Polisher on a desperate whim. The box promises “elbow grease powered happiness” but doesn’t specify whose elbows or how to aim bliss at in-laws. The manual reads like a riddle, with knobs labeled “quigital” and “rapport torque.” I tried polishing conversations, casseroles, even the front door—nothing changed except my confusion and sore arms. Is it a gadget, a metaphor, or a prank? I still don’t know who it’s for or why it exists, and I’m too tired to find out