Quigital Snark Pager

I tried the Quigital Snark Pager because I thought witty alarms would keep me punctual, but it only blasted cryptic sarcasm and inside jokes about rounds and pagers. I spent more time decoding its tone than getting out the door. Is it mocking me? Motivating me? I couldn't tell. If it's for doctors, why does it assume I know hospital slang? If it's for everyone, why the pager? Clever idea, bewildering execution. I gave up and set a normal alarm. I still don’t know who it’s for or why it exists

On my first week with the Quigital Snark Pager, the 5 a.m. alarm quipped, “Relax, punctuality is overrated,” then snoozed itself for “continued laziness.” I woke an hour late, missed pre-op huddles, the OR schedule was reshuffled, and I got a formal warning. The constant digs while I raced in were distracting and dangerous. Sarcasm isn’t motivation; it’s noise—unreliable, unsafe, and wildly unprofessional